A Touchable Heart

by - July 21, 2017

One most sure thing i will do at someone’s-close wedding solemnization is crying. After tok imam confirms the akad is sah, and recite dua, at that time surely i’ll start my teary drama. It’s countless how many times already. I don’t know why but my heart is so touchable at that time, it is a beautiful feeling,to see people happy & blessed as they found their spouse and finally get married, follow the sunnah of Muhamad & Islam, I sometimes imagine a lot of angels are being there, happily blessed the moments & the wedding. It’s so undescribe-able-wonderful moment for me. *Damn, my eyes are teary right now*

Last Saturday I went to my best friend’s engagement at Johor, Azreen. She is so beautiful. Alhamdulillah, after 6 years of relationship, she and her bf decided to be together-forever. Semoga dipermudahkan ke next stage my dear! Everything was going smoothly, both of the parties agreed bout the estimated date of wedd and wang hantaran. After everything was done, here comes for the family photo. Her mother was crying, missing her late husband i guess. Sigh, here come a waterfall, I can’t hold back my tears because i understand that feeling very well,- the feeling of missing someone we love. Quickly, I entered a room because my tears went unstoppable. People cant see this!
I really missed my daddy, every single day of my life....
Missed his concerns, jokes, advices, missed his phone calls to check up on me even there’s nothing special happened, loves, supports, cheers and a lot more. I really really missed you daddy. Really wish you could watch me growing up, welcoming me from the door everytime i back home, buying a lot of dishes as you always do to spoil me and to make sure i’ll always be healthy, be the one who will hands me over to the right guy, playing with my kids, i really want to pamper you very much like how you always did to me, and really wish to watch you growing old under my guardian. I really wish to do that. But it’s so sad that I cant......
Dear daddy,
It has been 5 years since you leave me. A lot of things did happened to me, ups and downs. I have a lot of stories to tell to you, start from I have graduated with PINK Selempang for you. But you are not even there! I got a work in this big city daddy, I managed to have a car, I also brought a motorcycle for myself! Ayah, could you please listen to my story for once? Can you respond? Can you please call me for once, hug and pat my back and telling me that i’m doing good? Fool.
You know ayah, i feel so lost lately. I have a very low-self confident, easily demotivated. Im not living at my best. I feel so lonely daddy, sometimes I feel like i’m just doing well, but sometimes i’m sure i’m not. Sometimes at the two junctions, i don’t know which road should i take. I don’t know if this living is a good living or should I get out from this screw-up living? I’m clueless. I have no one to share. I really need an adult to advice me a lot of things they have experienced it. Guide me, tell me if this is wrong or right. I need someone to tell me that everything gonna be okay, support me everytime i feel so lost. You know Ayah, someone has played with my heart. I was so broke. I took more than a year to heal. Your pity little girl has been grown up well but then she has been fooled by a guy. How could people be that cruel ayah? Ayah, I want you back!!!!
You know daddy, mommy missed you so much. She always says your name. Even she is not crying in front of me but i know, she always crying. She is so lonely. The thing she always said “Hidup ni dah takkan sama bahagia macam dulu...” Ayah, I think I’m not a good daughter. Am I do a right thing now?

.....i cant write anymore....

Dear daddy,
Please be happy there. Tuhan, please let my father be in peace. Gembirakan dia sebagaimana dia gembirakan aku dari kecik. Daddy, do you know? You already have 2 cute grandaughters, Khadijah and Aisyah. Nama isteri2 Rasulullah. Cantikkan nama diorang? Dont you want to come, see and play with them? Oh god, I seriously cant open my eyes right now. Waterfall really bad.
Semoga Ayah tenang kat sana, I’m happy to write this letter to you cos I’m really missed to talk to you. Read this anytime you free. Doakan Hada kuat ayah. I have been broken for so long.
Goodnite daddy, Love you so much.
20/07/2017 2307.


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