Assalamualaikum!!

Aku mulakan dengan harapan agar entry ini dapat dipublishkan. Hal ini kerana aku masih ada bersusun susun draft yang hanya sempat dikarang separuh jalan. Kahh!!

Ok, actually, aku takde benda sangat nak dikongsikan sebab trip kali ni aku pergi dengan pakej. So takyah fikir pasal transport and penginapan sebabnya, transport ; fully by bus - takyah pening kepala nak fikir pasal parking dan penginapan ; unnecessary sebab aku just pergi sehari dua malam, which dua dua malam tu perjalanan pergi & pulang, aku hanya tidur dan berehat dalam bas.

Tapi ada banyak benda and pengalaman yang aku nak share. Hopefully aku kuat untuk karang till the end sebab trip ni besssst sangaatt, i was amazed with the beauty of Singapore and aku nak pahat kan kenangan ni untuk aku kenang balik nanti. And hopefully can help a few of you yang tengah survey your trip to Singapore.

Trip ni aku ambik pakej RM135 tak silap + 15SGD bayar for registeration. Aku pergi berlima ; Aku, Jaja, Ain, Shima & Ina.

Malam Jumaat, pukul 930malam, kiteorang semua kena gather di KL Sentral. Aku parking kereta aku kat NU Sentral, masuk ; malam Jumaat after 6pm until Ahad pagi before 6am - hanya perlu bayar RM10 untuk parking fee. Pukul 9.30-10.15malam adalah sesi pendaftaran. Tepat pukul 10.15 malam, kiteorang semua berangkat ke Johor menaiki bas, total dua bas. Kiteorang dapat bas kedua, dengan tour leader bernama Zack, whom for me, yang sangat bagus and baik, bertanggungjawab, masuk air dan yang penting he take good care of us.

Lepas 5 jam perjalanan, kiteorang sampai di R&R Gelang Patah which is R&R yang last sekali sebelum seberang ke Singapore. Kiteorang lepak situ, sempat tidur for one hour , bangun untuk solat and makan breakfast sesiap (disediakan).

Tepat pukul 7pagi, kiteorang bergerak ke Immigresen MY & SG. Sambil dalam bas tu kena isi white card untuk immigresen SG. Everything went smoothly and takde masalah pun cuma mak aiii ramai gila org kat Immigresen SG. Around sejam juga kiteorang beratur. Lenguh kaki berdiri & Alhamdulillah, semua penumpang boleh ke luar negara, no one yg stuck or kena tahan.

Yeayyyy!

So, perjalanan diteruskan. Aku dapat seat tepi tingkap, so sepanjang perjalanan, aku dapat lah perhati sekitar jalan kat Singapore, mak aiii gila cantik!!! Bersih and moden.

.....................

After one month, baru lah aku dapat update draft ni hahaha sorry aku tak dapat nak cerita details dah otherwise sampai sudah aku tak dapat nak publish entry ni, so for the best, biarlah gambar yang berbicara.....

First stop ; National Museum of Singapore.

Museum ni merupakan Muzeum tertua di Singapura dan bangunan ni asal dari pemerintahan British lagi. 

Tugu/Landmark Singapura, Merlion & Esplenade ;

Patung Singa berekor Ikan (Mak). Kat belakang patung ni ade lagi sekor patung anak dia. Mana ayah dia?? Nanti kita cari hehehehe ayah dia jauh sikit merantau.

Dari sini kita boleh nampak hotel Marina Bay Sands yang dibangga-banggakan oleh warga Singapore. 

Next stop kita orang gerak ke tempat yang di tunggu-tunggu, 

Garden By The Bay!

I'm so excited to write about this evetho blueergghh please Noni? orang lain dah tukar 3 4 jenis phone dah but whatevaa . Oh before that, lets me welcoming August with all of my pleasure.

2 weeks passed and I still didnt write a single word about this.

A few months passed and still, till now, my works are currently overload. I slept till one two three in the morning with laptop on my body. Working on Saturday Sunday and even public holiday without any finanicial benefits. Takpe, sis redha. Walaupun dah nagis sedu sedu kat opis jealous tengok orang keluar beli baju raya. Huahuahua.

I rarely talk about my workplace, but now, lets me briefly explain.

One month after I graduated, I got an interview from Nielsen and 2 days after the interview, HR called me to inform that I was passed the iv, and a week later I started being an employee there. My career started.

I'm already being in Nielsen for 3 and half years. I started from the bottom with low basic salary as for the degree student - but it's okay - while my others friends were still struggling looking for the job, I'm so thankul that I've a job and I accepted my rezeki, by trying not to being so fussy or demanding. Eventho deep down, it was not enough. Ask la my mum how many time did she heard that I wanna to resign along these 3 years? Hiks And yang tak leh lupa, siap muntah muntah lagi, perut cramp sebab stress dokter cakap. #tekanankerja

When people are complaining too much with the workload & salary, I remind myself how hard it's to get the job, dont complain Noni. And when I feel so giving up, I remind myself, how hard it was before, I prayed prayed and prayed, asked Allah to serve me the better life. And when people advise me to quit the job, I cant, because there are so much burden on my responsibility. Tapi, if you think your company no longer giving any benefits to you malahan membebankan lagi, tarik nafas dan undur diri, trust Allah, rezeki Allah tu luas.

Try HARD to not being so complaining and protesting in doing my job and to the commitment yang I commited, Alhamdulillah, this month I officially, promoted to the next level.

It was not easy.

3 years are not the short period of time.

Along these time, there are a LOT of time that I stayed until midnight. And there's one night that I didnt able to sleep. Stay awake until next 7AM in the morning. Can you feel the workload?

ALMOST GIVE UP

When I went thru the hardship, I confined a lot to Allah. I prayed, prayed and prayed. I cried hard to Him when I felt so breaking down. I've no one to story (people will not understand me deep-innerly) so I told everything to Him. If you read my last post (God, are you there?) you may know, how desperated I want Allah to answer my dua. Honestly, I was in the point where my faith started to fade. My manager told me she will try to promoted me since November last year, and now it's May. I didnt blame her bcause I know the process is not easy. But, I'm only human, sometimes I reach my breaking point.

DO GOOD & THERE'S HOPE

Actually apa yang aku nak highlighted kan is, dont lose hope to Allah, and dont give up. When you feel so burden, you cant carry on, just cry to him to sooth your heart. Dia Maha Mendengar. He heard you. But there must be a reason why He doesnt fulfilled your dua right away. There must be a reason. He knows better when you know not.

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can't see which way to go
Don't despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Alhamdulillah. Thanks Allah.

2017 gonna leave me by the next hour! I'm currently at my sister's house, helping her  to look after of her daughter. I just realized that I was here too exactly a year ago! Watching the fireworks from the window. Last year, I was here looking after my sister as she was having a really bad morning sickness and now a year passed, she is blessed with 6 months of a daughter 🌼

If you ask me how my 2017 was, and if I recap it for a flash, I could say that my 2017 was terrible because the first thing that popped up in my mind is my heartbreak phase. I still can remember the nightsssssss that I cried to sleep and the daysssss that I prisoned myself in the room with tears.

But if I drop that parts from my memory, actually, I could see a lots more of beautiful wonderful thingsss and memories I had make throughout 2017. The year that had taught me a lot of lessons. I couldn't remember it all but lets me try.....

I learnt how to wake up again after the storm. I learnt to not trust someone so much eventhou you loved him over of your soul, it's wrong. It was not easy especially when you was alone, my mind tends to zone out so frequently. Thanks to my friends who never tired to help me out. I got a passport! For the first I traveled out of Malaysia to Phuket & Krabi. It was a very good experience and memory ❤ I was an Uber Driver! Hahahaha dont laugh! I still cant believe it how I have a nut to do it.  But it was really an experience you cant buy. It was so challenging and I was so scared too to have a stranger in my car. People were thanks to me after the ride, there are one who got mad at me because I was turning the wrong way and I didnt get the full payment from him. But nevermind. I wish I could do it again one day.

I went to many trips with my friends, I had a family holiday!,  I had a very long birthday celebration, I did a lot of things that I love, I got a new niece, Missed you Aisyah! I got increment,  I won a lucky draw in blog contest, a few lots more of things that make me grateful even more. Oh ya, the one that I thankful is, I'm writing again at this site! I hope I write more in 2018. Inshaallah.

Okay it's midnight by now and I can hear a loud crowd of people outside counting three two one and bam bammm fireworks! Unfortunately, no fireworks for me 🎉  Aisyah is waking up because of the loudy sound. Can you stop it please? Alhamdulillah for a past year. A year that taught me a tough journey. A year of sorrow yet blessing, a year of betraying, people leaving but nevermind. I believe in Allah, have faith that He has a better plan for me.

Hi alls. Assalamualikum.

I used to told people and myself the quote of, "the first time doing is the best feeling ever.." Like people say how you cant forget your first love. Eheemm other people say okay, obviously not me. Hahaha. Like how the first time you ride the bicycle, drive a car, trying snorkelling, tasting a new menu etc etc, for me it's always...the first time doing is the best thing ever. And the first time doing also will decide whether you like or dislike the thing and whether you wanna go on or give up on thing. Dont believe me? Okay lets me test you, when you try to eat wasabi for the time, will you continue?

So, this time what I'm gonna share is about my first time too. The first time jumping from the 5meter height into the water.

If you gonna come to Tadom, here is my tips, come on weekdays and bring your own lunchbox. And plus, come with a big group members for example 5 to 7 peoples so that you can conquer the area and it's really really fun to spend time together. Really can enhance ur friendship's bond. (because we're helping each others!)

So, back to my first time story, for this time being, i thought it was so easy to jump from a height platform to the water/pool. I remembered watch one episode of Running Man in which they have to jump in the pool and how easy I labeled Haha & Jaesuk as a coward for being so so so scared to jump. They took more than 30minutes walked back and forth, climbed the stair up and down before jump. It looked so easy from my eyes. But noww once i experience it, hollyyyy shittt! Hahahahaha i respect to whoever has been jump!

Hola!!

Finallyyyyy! It’s weekend!! Nothing more exciting me once I opened my eyes today.

Straight on the past weekdays I came home for too late and took bath at 11pm. So tired! So, when people asked wont I go out as no one else gonna be in this two-story house today, I decided to stay home. I would rather be at home alone and enjoy my day off. I want to clean up my room and be lazy on the bed.

It was still early in the morning and like always, when it comes to the weekend my eyes didnt want to close. I felt betrayal.

So, I got my ass off the bed, I started my day by doing laundry and cleaning up the kitchen. My kitchen was so mess. Seriously, a lot of previous tenant’s stuffs were there. So, I just threw out stuffs that have not been touch for a year. (Sorry if I threw yours. Haha) Mopping the floor and sort of stuffs. Start cooking for lunch and by 100pm everthing was done. *pat my back*

“Here” & “Wild” – by Alessia Cara ft Troye Sivan live version, play on the background to accompany me. Oh God, their voice!!!! I keep repeating it straight for a week. Easily addicted.

Okay, back to the title. 

Last week i've been force to accompany my friends watched movie at the cinema (night slot) as we were so long not hanging out together. But after heard the movie’s title ; (Annabelle 2) I explicitly refused to join them. Any movie is fine but not ghost story please? But after they persuaded me for a bit long and for the sake of friendships, I joined them. It was 10+pm and I just came out from office with my tired and sweaty body.

I'm having Hari Raya Aidil Adha's break right now and this thought just come up everytime I bath my 2+ years old's niece. Taking care of this cute kid reminisces me a lot to the past. Since it's so often, I guess I should write it down.

Tengok my niece this small, teringat masa zaman aku kecil, around 12 years old, the stage of age where I get envy with the elders. I've a quite big age-gap with my older brother & sister, when I was in a primary school, they were already in a high school, so sometimes I got jealous with huge diff of discipline my parents treated us. (You know a child's mind) I got jealous when my life got control by my parents but they were not. I always got scold by a lot of things but they were not and easily got jealous with the things they can do while I can't. Life was really unfair. At that time, I thought that I'm an adopted child. (Hahaha, stupid thought. But I'm sure many of people facing this issue) My parents seem to love them more than me. (it's not trueeeeee)

Ya, undeniable, I sometimes thought bout to run from home. I used to cry myself at night. Hahaha ridiculous. At that time, I thought, it must be good to be a teenager right. And when I became a teenager, i got jealous when people EASILY got a BIG MONEY every month by work, having a car, and went to sight-seeing. I got jealous whenever my brother came home for semester break and he brought me a present and there was always a new electronic device in his bag. (Yes, I always dug into his bag, dont tell him hehe) Wow, it must be sooooo good to be an adult! It must be good to not going to school anymoreee and doing a ton of homework! It must be good to have money and never worried to buy whatever you want.

I remembered the words that my late father said to me 5 years ago. At ward in hospital, right after he ended the call with my sister/brother. He said to me, "..orang yg sakit ni bukannya nok harapkan org datang ramai-ramai, mari bagi buah, tapi cukuplah kalau ada yang tanya khabar, anak-anak call cakap dengan ayoh setiap hari, bagi semangat, yang sakit pun tetiba boleh baik..." 

I remembered every single words that he said....

*cry silently*

...and now i can feel how he felt before. A small wish and dua from someone that can booster our spirit to get up and energize again. 

Thanks for your concern friends. I'm so touched. 

May Allah repays your kindness to me. 

0140AM

For past a year, sleeping has been my favourite thing as it fades the sorrow and cures my heart.
I find peace in sleep and a regrettion once I wake up.

I should be sleeping right now but this heart refuses to and here I am still lingering my fingers, touching letters at this blank screen.

Keep staring at all of photos again and again.

How beautiful it was and how painful it becomes.

Setiap yang hadir, bukan sia sia.
Dan setiap yang pergi, bukan tanpa hikmah.
Walau dalam mana pun luka yang ditinggal,
Pasti itu yang terbaik.
Setiap inci yang terjadi dalam hidup telah Allah rencanakan sempurna tanpa cela.

Ya Allah,
izinkan air mata ini jatuh saat duka,
namun jangan biarkan bibir ini merungut tanda tiada redha.

Allah jika ini satu ujian, terus kuatkan aku, tahan aku dari rebah,

pimpin aku dari terus ke lorong yang salah.
Cukup lah sekali moga tiada lagi.

A friend tagged me on this ;

Dont wait for someone to tell youwho you are and what you are

or what you supposed to be.

Its should not be heal because somebody else likes you..

It should be heal because you believe something good about yourself.

What others think of you should not be matter so much.

Focus on yourself,

on improving yourself...

Be the best you can be!

Thanks Kak Dila

Selamat malam sayang.

Wow look at the title again. Hahahaha. Its tickle my heart and make me wanna burst my laugh out loud but I need to keep quiet as baby Aisyah is sleeping a few metres from me now. But seriously that title just come up after being more than 2 years of auntie? Weeeellll, the mood just come out when i'm holding my youngest niece (not even pass her 40-days) just now, indirectly make me feel so lovely & drag me to write this post besides i never write anything bout my baby-fruits so lets me start with this one post before i get total 7 of them playing loudly around the house.

Currently, i've two nieces. One from my brother and one from my sister.

My oldest niece, Khadijah Nur Irdina was born 2 and half years ago. Ain't her name is so pwetty? Silently admit, I'm not into baby/toddler for the past time being, but once Irdina was born, Masha Allah i suddenly admire all babies around the world. The love is blooming just like that. I keep asking for Irdina's photo for everyday and i wont care if her parents feel annoyed for that hehehe. Everything she does is so cute and adorable. I could stare long at her photo, even make her photo as my phone's wallpaper! and dont get bored to watch over and over her videos. Honestly, half of my phone's memory now is full with her charms. All my love suddenly goes straight to her. Everytime we meet, i will quickly take her away from her parents unless she is fall asleep or crying bad. And dont worry she doesn't hesitate to come over me because she loves me hard too. Hikhiks

Thats not yet include when i go to the mall or even to the supermarket, everytime my eyes catch a cute's baby things, i cant stop dragging my legs to not step closer to the store. Seriously a new-auntie-being syndrome. I feel like wanna buy all of that beautiful dress to her and I guess i spent more money buying Irdina's clothes than mine. Why doess all the baby dresses look so cuteeeee. But it's kind of satisfaction everytime seeing my niece keep wearing my gift.

And my second niece's name is Aisyah Sakinah. My mum gave her first name. Ain't its beautiful? Aisyah & Khadijah. Both of Rasullullah SAW's beautiful wives' name. Hope their names will resemble with their akhlak.

I never been along longer with any pregnancy woman before this. My sister is the first one. I never witness the woman's struggle of 9 months pregnancy. And watching my sister went thru a lot really open my eyes, it's not easy dushh. My sister puke until her baby turning 9 months in stomach T_T. I'm not that strongggggg. But i'm sure everytime she watches her daughter now her yesterday's suffers were really worth.

Dear Khadijah & Aisyah,

Thanks for coming into Umida's life. I feel so warmth. Keep on cheerish to your small family. Umida wishes you can grow up so well, good, healthy and intelligence.

Umida cant concentrate to write longer, Nenek dah bising suruh Mida solat thehehe

I love you both ❤

Monday, 050817

Writing with the left hand rubbing hard my stomach. Ya Allah i cant desribe the pain. It's more than 30 times since i walk back and forth to the toilet. Luckily the toilet is just 10 steps away. Huh, i dont want to imagine if I were in the office which i need to run from north to south and i think i will do my business at the midway. Guess how many spenders that will cost.

The pain & fever started on Saturday's night which I had a sleepover with my friends that day!! Can you imagine, i'm the one who is the most excited bout this gathering, end up i'm the one who cant even wake up. I started to diarrhea for a couple of times, and having a high fever. I made a guess with the temperature by putting my back hand on the forehead, it is 40°C!!! Not kidding.

While my friends were having a girl night talk, sharing story to each others at the living room, I'm just lying painly in the room, pushing hard my stomach. Trying to put myself on sleep but obviously i cant. It was so hurt. My body went hotter. I cant join them, i tried to ear drop their story but it went useless as my brain was too tired. Then later they came one by one into the room and decided to accompany me along until 1AM. Izaty found a handkerchief and put it on my head. It was so good to be surrounded with a good friends. God bless me.

I slept with sweat.

And woke up a couple of times to the toilet.

Woke up for Subuh with a very heavy head. Pray, and cant afford more to stand,  I just want to lie down.

At 11AM we were getting ready for checkout but I cant drive home. My energy level dropped to 10%. Cant eat,  cant open the eyes. They were decided to send me home. From Kajang to Petaling Jaya. They also sent me to clinic even I refused a lot, ''No, its okayyyyyy I'm okay I can go by myself later'' *Seriously you are okay???* Yes, I'm the most stubborn person. God bless me with such lovely friends.

Look what Nadirah got me here. She is so sweet. Cooked me a bubur eventho she was tired, made me air teh pekat before she's going to office, and she even put a wet towel on my head before i sleep. May God bless you too.

Woke up again for a couple of times to the toilets.

****

Writing this from Ward 6D bed 7, Hospital Ampang right now.

090817

The pain doesn't want to stop. I requested to do a blood test this morning at Clinic Sea Park (3rd clinic i went) eventho the doc said im okay, just a little diarrhea from food poisoning. Whateva, what diarrhea cost 4 days?

(I dont know why suddenly i got so emo and cried so hard in the back of uber's car. I saw he peeked me weirdly -or nervously- from the middle mirror hewhewhew sorry mister, i've a bad day)

So, i got the call at Maghrib from the clinic saying "Miss, your blood test has come out, your RB, WB and platelets are okay, but for IGG and IGM there are positive and negative...Docter will give you a letter for hospital's reference....."

It's so a breaking-heart-moment-time.

Do.i.need.to.go.to.the.hospital.

Jaja//Me : "Noni, jangan lupa bawok baju spare incase kena masuk wad.." // "Heyyy, mu nak suruh aku masuk wad kee? Aku sihat lah..."

But it was how it went. Here is I now. I can't hide the tears once i heard docter said "Blood test tunjuk awak ada positive denggi, so awak kne admit wad for 2/3 hari utk pantauan..." "Tapi saya dah baik demam pun dokter" Smiling bright and trying to act strong as much as I could. "Tu yang lagi bahaya, second phase of dengue, lepas fasa demam..." "Boleh saya masuk wad kat kampung?" "Nope" "Hulur tangan saya nak masukkan jarum utk air japgi.."

Zupppp. The body turned into ice.

Walking out to my brother and friends with waterfall. How Could This Happened Again?!.

************

Updated : It's not a dengue guys. Still waiting for the blood test result.

MC for a week.

One most sure thing i will do at someone’s-close wedding solemnization is crying. After tok imam confirms the akad is sah, and recite dua, at that time surely i’ll start my teary drama. It’s countless how many times already. I don’t know why but my heart is so touchable at that time, it is a beautiful feeling,to see people happy & blessed as they found their spouse and finally get married, follow the sunnah of Muhamad & Islam, I sometimes imagine a lot of angels are being there, happily blessed the moments & the wedding. It’s so undescribe-able-wonderful moment for me. *Damn, my eyes are teary right now*

Last Saturday I went to my best friend’s engagement at Johor, Azreen. She is so beautiful. Alhamdulillah, after 6 years of relationship, she and her bf decided to be together-forever. Semoga dipermudahkan ke next stage my dear! Everything was going smoothly, both of the parties agreed bout the estimated date of wedd and wang hantaran. After everything was done, here comes for the family photo. Her mother was crying, missing her late husband i guess. Sigh, here come a waterfall, I can’t hold back my tears because i understand that feeling very well,- the feeling of missing someone we love. Quickly, I entered a room because my tears went unstoppable. People cant see this!

I really missed my daddy, every single day of my life....

Missed his concerns, jokes, advices, missed his phone calls to check up on me even there’s nothing special happened, loves, supports, cheers and a lot more. I really really missed you daddy. Really wish you could watch me growing up, welcoming me from the door everytime i back home, buying a lot of dishes as you always do to spoil me and to make sure i’ll always be healthy, be the one who will hands me over to the right guy, playing with my kids, i really want to pamper you very much like how you always did to me, and really wish to watch you growing old under my guardian. I really wish to do that. But it’s so sad that I cant......

Dear daddy,

It has been 5 years since you leave me. A lot of things did happened to me, ups and downs. I have a lot of stories to tell to you, start from I have graduated with PINK Selempang for you. But you are not even there! I got a work in this big city daddy, I managed to have a car, I also brought a motorcycle for myself! Ayah, could you please listen to my story for once? Can you respond? Can you please call me for once, hug and pat my back and telling me that i’m doing good? Fool.

You know ayah, i feel so lost lately. I have a very low-self confident, easily demotivated. Im not living at my best. I feel so lonely daddy, sometimes I feel like i’m just doing well, but sometimes i’m sure i’m not. Sometimes at the two junctions, i don’t know which road should i take. I don’t know if this living is a good living or should I get out from this screw-up living? I’m clueless. I have no one to share. I really need an adult to advice me a lot of things they have experienced it. Guide me, tell me if this is wrong or right. I need someone to tell me that everything gonna be okay, support me everytime i feel so lost. You know Ayah, someone has played with my heart. I was so broke. I took more than a year to heal. Your pity little girl has been grown up well but then she has been fooled by a guy. How could people be that cruel ayah? Ayah, I want you back!!!!

You know daddy, mommy missed you so much. She always says your name. Even she is not crying in front of me but i know, she always crying. She is so lonely. The thing she always said “Hidup ni dah takkan sama bahagia macam dulu...” Ayah, I think I’m not a good daughter. Am I do a right thing now?

.....i cant write anymore....

Dear daddy,

Please be happy there. Tuhan, please let my father be in peace. Gembirakan dia sebagaimana dia gembirakan aku dari kecik. Daddy, do you know? You already have 2 cute grandaughters, Khadijah and Aisyah. Nama isteri2 Rasulullah. Cantikkan nama diorang? Dont you want to come, see and play with them? Oh god, I seriously cant open my eyes right now. Waterfall really bad.

Semoga Ayah tenang kat sana, I’m happy to write this letter to you cos I’m really missed to talk to you. Read this anytime you free. Doakan Hada kuat ayah. I have been broken for so long.

Goodnite daddy, Love you so much.

20/07/2017 2307.

Alfatihah.