I'm having Hari Raya Aidil Adha's break right now and this thought just come up everytime I bath my 2+ years old's niece. Taking care of this cute kid reminisces me a lot to the past. Since it's so often, I guess I should write it down.

Tengok my niece this small, teringat masa zaman aku kecil, around 12 years old, the stage of age where I get envy with the elders. I've a quite big age-gap with my older brother & sister, when I was in a primary school, they were already in a high school, so sometimes I got jealous with huge diff of discipline my parents treated us. (You know a child's mind) I got jealous when my life got control by my parents but they were not. I always got scold by a lot of things but they were not and easily got jealous with the things they can do while I can't. Life was really unfair. At that time, I thought that I'm an adopted child. (Hahaha, stupid thought. But I'm sure many of people facing this issue) My parents seem to love them more than me. (it's not trueeeeee)

Ya, undeniable, I sometimes thought bout to run from home. I used to cry myself at night. Hahaha ridiculous. At that time, I thought, it must be good to be a teenager right. And when I became a teenager, i got jealous when people EASILY got a BIG MONEY every month by work, having a car, and went to sight-seeing. I got jealous whenever my brother came home for semester break and he brought me a present and there was always a new electronic device in his bag. (Yes, I always dug into his bag, dont tell him hehe) Wow, it must be sooooo good to be an adult! It must be good to not going to school anymoreee and doing a ton of homework! It must be good to have money and never worried to buy whatever you want.

...and now I look again at my niece, play with water herself without any worries, even i scold her to get faster, but 'whateva lah Umida, please keep quiet Dijah want to play more okay?' It must be good to be you kid, wake up, cry, eat, sleep and play routines and now I really really wish, Oh God, can I be small again?

A few more months and I gonna turn to 25 years old. Oh God I still cant believe this!!! Honestly, I'm at the stage where I can think (I should think!!!) much bout life. But really, my past kid's thought are never going to turn out like how awesome I dreamed it might be. I gonna admit it now, work is not fun but school was. Follow parents' order was easier than making a decision by yourself. Run an important errand is not fun but play with sand was.

It is a month less before I turn to 3 years old of being employee. Time flies. I've a secret to confess. Three years ago, since I started working, I make a dream to buy my mother a gold bracelet from my own money. And I keep that dream alive till now hehehehe. I also make a wish to have a 10K in my bank account, but now it's............. I thought living a monthly-salary-life was so easily. Every month you get the money and put it in your pocket and just buy whateva you want man. But everything turns out to be different. With having a car-responsibility in my left hand, so my right hand is for everything, I get limit for myself. A monthly and yearly payment for car are more than I spend for my personal needs. Truly hell. And honestly, when unexpected thing happened, I got broke with money. #therealstruggleofreallife

Making this post doesnt mean that I'm not grateful with my life. I just reminisce bout my past and found out, "Everything Turns Out To Be Different". Dream vs Reality.  I fully thank to God because I'm able to give my mother money from my own pocket and will pray hard for give you a gold bracelet hehe. Thanks Allah for ease my life now and semoga aku dimurahkan rezeki yang berkat and I will work harder for future.

If one day, my nieces and nephews or my own child are reading this post, I really hope you are not going to envy the adult's life okayy? Live your teenager till fullness. Love & appreciate every single things that happened. Nothing is easy in real life. Pray hard okay syg?

Good Nite *peluk mak sebelah, esok nak balik kl dah, holiday is over*