Monday, May 6, 2013

bursting tears.


and finally, this thing happened again. for the second time. and suddenly, after all of this shocked, i dont know which one road should i take. i dont know which one better for you. i'm tired of bury my tears and my soul inside. if and only if u know, i'm hurt too. but i cant say anything, out all of this, its seem, yes, my fault. 



am i unable to understanding you? 
are u so sure?
i thought all of my actions done today are because i understand yu.



but again, it doesnt seem like that.  




ntah lah, even, i've a lot things to let go, but i feel like i've no word more to say.
every word i said seem wrong. i'm tired to go through all of this again. 




honestly,
in my life, i live with my own principle. i try to defense it for my beautiful valuable life.
i've my own motivations. i want to grow up well by a proper way. i want to enjoy 
and appreciate every single thing what are happened to me. aku cuba untuk bentuk diri aku jangan 
jadi orang yang lemah. aku cuba untuk tidak mudah sentap, untuk mudah terase dengan 
orang lain. aku cuba tebalkan hati aku. aku belajar semua tu. aku cuba. 
 i learnt everything step by step. 


aku teringin nak sangat jadi macam lilin. aku mampu berbakti untuk orang sekeliling aku,
walaupun aku sakit, aku cuba untuk curahkan kebaikan, curahkan kasih sayang sebanyak mungkin.
even, there is no one thanks me, thats okay for me. aku tak kisah, sebab aku pegang dengan prinsip,
untuk semua benda yang kita buat jangan harapkan balasan dari orang,
bersyukur kat Allah, berdoa kat Allah, Alhamdulillah, dengan kudrat yang
Allah kurniakan kita mampu berbakti. no need others appreciation, 
Allah know what the best for me. aku pegang sangat dengan kata-kata ni. 




dulu, kawan-kawan aku stay in a phrase :
"THERE IS NO SORRY AND THANK YOU IN FRIENDSHIP"

memang masing-masing tak pernah berkira to help each other,
walaupun kadang-kadang terluka dengan lain-lain takde sape yang pernah pendam dalam hati.
tapi sekarang, aku sedar. tak semua orang boleh terima phrase tu. 
repay back? unpredictable thing for me. sorry. 





i dont know how to say it. dan sekarang ianya seolah olah, we've two different way 
to grow up. i cant enter in yr world and yu too. 
i'm tired of trying. 


what i just want to say is i'm sorry if after ol of this, i cant be the one that u knew before.
u want me to change, so, i will. i try. 
later on, dont try to ask me something else. 
i have my heart. i have my pride. i have my dignity.  


welcome home, the passive me.



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